A Very Grimleal Birthday Party
by DarkPaladin000
Summary: The Fell Dragon fulfills his promises- so he's forced to take Morgan along to celebrate her birthday in the search for the elusive stuffed crust pizza.


**A/N: So, this is a piece I wrote. Grima is in his human form, and this takes place in a future where Grima comes back, sort of like _The Future Past_ Xenologues. Grima is a male avatar, so there is Morgan (female). **

Grima, God of Annihilation laughed evilly as he took a drink of human blood.

Okay, so the drink wasn't _really_ blood, because it turns out that human blood is pretty bitter and it was actually cherry-flavored Kool-Aid, but no one needed to know that. He did have to keep us his Evil God image after all, you know, he was supposed to burn hope, drink rivers of blood, etc.

Red Wine would've worked better, but Grima still remembered what happened the last time he had gotten drunk, and he sure didn't want a repeat of _that_.

He then went outside to admire his kingdom, but his head hit the door frame.

"Ow!" he muttered as his magic almost instantly healed the wound. He had no idea why, but the place they were currently using as HQ for strategic reasons seemed to be designed for people way shorter than him, so he kept hitting his head.

Plus, it was called 'Sunshine Palace' which ticked him off for reasons that should be blatantly obvious, but he hadn't gotten around to changing the name.

"Daddy," Morgan said as she walked up to him. "I'm ready."

She talked as if she was expecting Grima to give her something.

 _Oh no,_ Grima thought. _I'm forgetting something, aren't I? is it 'Bring Your Daughter to Work Day?' No, and anyway I bring her to work everyday... aha!_

"Happy Birthday Morgan," Grima said as she was starting to look disappointed.

"And I bet you remember the promise you made me too!" Morgan said hopefully.

"Uh..." Grima said, drawing a blank.

"Father," Morgan said, disappointed. "Remember last Christmas?"

Grima shuddered. There were very few things that could scare him, but the memory of that day was one of them.

Morgan had decided to celebrate Christmas, dressed the Risen up as Santa's Elves, and Santa Claus himself showed up.

It went _so_ horribly wrong that Grima couldn't even find the words to describe it. He almost cried at the end.

"And then you ruined it by killing Santa Claus?" Morgan added.

"Yeah," Grima said, "but come on now, there's something seriously wrong with that guy. He has magic, breaks into people's houses, and you're telling me he actually leaves stuff?"

"Yeah, but then you promised to make my birthday extra-super special in return," Morgan said.

Now, Grima did vaguely remember something like that, though he'd never use the words 'extra-super special.' And the thing was that he liked to fulfill his promises and repay all his debts, sort of like an evil code of honor.

He had even designed a slogan on it: _The Fell Dragon always pays his debts. For everything else, there's MasterCard._

Of course, he had pretty much killed all of mankind and its economy, and so there wasn't much use for credit cards.

"Okay, Morgan," Grima said. "We'll get Bob our chef to make a cake, and the Risen can sing their version of birthday songs and maybe even Kumbayah."

Morgan shook her head. "No, let's go somewhere helse. I heard there's a cheese-stuffed crust pizza somewhere. Imagine, it's a pizza _you can eat backwards_."

Grima scratched his chin. A pizza you could eat backwards? That sounded almost as good as a Churro.

Churros... Grima thought. When he had first tasted one, he had been so impressed he had made their creator his head chef and had even bothered to give him a name: Bob. (After he had killed him, his family, burned down his village, and turned him into a Risen, of course.)

"I don't know, Morgan," Grima said. "It sounds too good to be true, kind of like the Tooth Fairy."

"Um, there was a Tooth Fairy," Morgan said. "But I think you killed her, probably for the same reason you took down Santa Claus."

"Oh," Grima said. "Well, that sort of stuff happens everyday, you can't express me to remember all of it. All right then, I suppose we can try to find a city."

"Just don't bring any Risen," Morgan said. "And don't attack the town. At least not today."

"Fine," Grima said.

"And I hope you remembered to get me that extra-special present you promised," Morgan said.

Grima was hoping he could find an idea for one by the time the day was over. And he also had to stop making so many promises, like how he had promised his Risen a giant water slide.

So anyway, the two of them teleported to a town that Grima hadn't razed yet.

Morgan walked to a store. "I think it's this store," she said, pointing to a building called Pizza Hut.

"It looks tacky," Grima said. "Is this our only option?"

"Yeah," Morgan said. "You kind of destroyed the other chains, Dominos and Papa John's."

Grima sighed and entered the place and took a table. The restaurant was virtually empty, and a waiter soon greeted them.

"Hi there, I'm Paul and I will be serving you today. What can I getcha?"

Grima glazed through the menu. "Two cheese-crust pizzas, an order of breadsticks, no cheese."

"Anything to drink, sir?" Paul asked.

"Do you have that red, no blue-colored Kool Aid? I'll have that," Grima said.

"Yeah," Paul said. "Fine. And you, miss?"

"Uhh, I"ll have a Coke," Morgan said.

"Sure. Your order will be ready in about twenty minutes," Paul said. "Until then, please enjoy the complimentary olives."

Grima took an olive, placed it on his plate, and skewered it. The waiter looked at the olive in horror for a moment, shuddered, but soon composed himself.

Paul put on a smile. He retreated to the kitchen and his pleasant demeanor evaporated.

* * *

Paul quickly found the only other waiter, a guy who had been working there way longer than him named Lionel.

"We have to do something," Paul said. "I just saw these two customers, and they literally radiated evil."

Lionel frowned. "Okay, that's just crazy. And I don't care how bad they are, we need customers. The economy's been bad ever since the Fell Dragon rose."

"Yeah, but you should have seen it," Paul said. "The guy skewered an innocent olive like it had insulted his mother."

"An olive is an inanimate object," Lionel pointed out.

"I know," Paul said. "And it still terrified me. It's the first time in my life I've felt sorry for an inanimate object. It's like I could hear the poor olive weeping and saying, 'Please, Paul, save me.' I could hear its screams as the fork mercilessly killed it like it was some sort of animal and the guy put its corpse remorselessly into his mouth."

Lionel rolled his eyes. "If you're that much of a chicken, I'll take these customers. But then their tips are all mine."

Paul surprisingly didn't protest.

* * *

Lionel carried their order to their table. He snorted. _Kids these days,_ he thought.

Lionel had seen some pretty bad customers in all of his years, and these didn't seem to be any problem. There were only two of them and there weren't any screaming, kicking children around.

They also occasionally had problems with drunk customers, but these people hadn't ordered anything with alcohol.

They also looked friendly enough, and were wearing matching outfits. They were probably father and daughter, or maybe student and teacher.

He set their drinks, and then their food on the table.

Then, something happened that Lionel was unable to explain. As he approached the man, a shiver ran down his spine. He almost dropped the food, but composed himself.

"Where's the other guy?" Morgan asked.

"Um, Paul had something like a nervous breakdown," Lionel said, it wasn't a complete lie. "I'll be serving you from now on."

"We have free refills," Lionel added. "So let me know if you guys need anything."

He walked away, but not before giving the man another look. Another shiver ran down his spine and he felt his legs getting weak.

Grima, meanwhile, was surprised to know that stuffed crust pizza did exist. He could eat it backwards! Not to mention that the place had free refills and a gumball machine. Grima had a thing for gumball machines. He really liked them.

Grima made a note to destroy this town last. And while the wait had been long, it was worth it for stuffed crust.

Plus, though he'd never admit it out loud, it was nice to get out once in a while. Being an evil dictator was harder than it looked. His Risen had become harder to control.

For one, they had decided to form a Union and demanded a higher minimum wage (the current minimum wage was also the maximum wage, zero,) health insurance and life insurance, which he didn't see how they needed since they were undead. They even wanted dental plans and maternity leaves! He couldn't see why, as far as he knew Risen couldn't get pregnant... and he didn't want to find out if they could.

* * *

"Come on Nah, let's stop at this place," Cynthia said.

Nah shook her head. "We can't just go into Pizza Hut whenever we want. Lucina sent us in pairs to get supplies. We have to leave soon, remember?"

"Yeah," Cynthia said. "But I heard they have a stuffed crust pizza. Imagine, _you can eat it backwards_!"

"That sounds too good to be true," Nah said, then stopped. "Did you feel that? It's like there's Risen nearby."

"I don't have a sixth sense like you do, silly," Cynthia replied.

Nah followed her instinct which lead them to the Pizza Hut window.

THey pressed their faces against the glass, which was bound to look weird if anyone looked out.

"The aura's coming from them," Nah said pointing to two people. "Wait, is that Grima's human form?"

"Yeah," Cynthia said. "I wonder what kind of evil activity he's doing."

"He's drinking blue Kool-Aid and eating a pizza backwards," Nah said.

"That fiend!" Cynthia said.

"Let's report back to Lucina," Nah said and they ran off.

* * *

"So let me get this straight," Lucina said. "You guys saw Grima as well as Morgan in a pizza shop?"

Both Cynthia and Nah nodded.

"And they were drinking and eating stuffed crust pizza, which is apparently a thing, backwards?"

More nods.

"And there were no Risen at all?"

Even more nods.

Lucina held up her hands to their foreheads. "You don't seem to have fevers. Is this some sort of a practical joke?"

"We're serious," Cynthia said.

"Uh-huh," Lucina said, unconvinced.

Cynthia and Nah tried telling the others, but to no avail. Even Owain wouldn't believe them.

That was kind of sad, considering that Owain still believed in the Tooth Fairy.

Eventually, they decided to go back to get proof, but the two were long gone by then and Cynthia and Nah were wondering if they had imagined the whole thing, though the waiters did mention a very scary-looking man (but then again, Inigo was generally also described as a scary-looking man when he hadn't washed his face in the morning, so this wasn't much too go on.) They did however eat there, so they got to eat stuffed crust pizza backwards, so it was kind of worth it.

* * *

Grima and Morgan were done with their meal.

"What's our budget?" Morgan asked.

"Well, I did take everything in Ylisstol's treasury, much else besides, and I can always threaten people, so infinite," Grim said.

"Great," Morgan said. Grima left, leaving an 800% tip and they started walking outside.

"What are those people doing?" Grima asked as he pointed to a group of people who looked like they were having a collective seizure.

"That's a new dance move called the Harlem Shake," Morgan answered.

 _It's due to things like these that I can partly justify annihilating most of humanity,_ Grima thought.

The rest of the day passed without incident and they finally returned to home, sweet post-apocalyptic home. That's what Grima thought before he hit his head on another door frame.

"So where's my super-awesome present?" Morgan asked.

"Right here," Grima answered. He had some Risen transfer a huge sleigh to them.

"Santa Claus's sleigh!" Morgan exclaimed.

"Yeah," Grima answered. "And I even put some undead horses pegasi so you can fly with it."

"Thanks daddy. You're the best!"

Grima had been planning to set the sleigh on fire and push it over a cliff while laughing maniacally. He did that with a lot of things.

"I wonder how you'll top this off on Christmas," Morgan said.

Grima nearly fell unconscious at that.

 **A/N: So, this was my first Fire Emblem fanfic. Thanks for reading, and if you did read, please review. I'd like to know what your favorite part was, and if you'd like seeing more of these.**


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